how doi start

how do i tell u gow i feel, knowing how bad u alreadi do?
cause seriously, i noe how u feel TOTALLY.

i guess what hope i had last week has faded into confusion. don't wanna blame ani1, but all i can say is tt i'll juz have 2 do my best an c how it goes from there.

i realise tt i don't pray tt much animore, i mostly concentrate my feelings into a thick mass an fire it skywad to Heaven, while listening out for the soft thud of Someone bigger an greater than everything around me, catching it like a tennis ball thrown in his direction.

it reali sucks to feel helpless, like when i realised tt u were suffering yest an i could do nth but just start to pray. worry for you combined wit dread for myself as a silent superstition tt belives tt events will turn out the opposite of what i which for most of the time. 2ce i felt lyk drowning last nite. one when i showered, and the moment the water hit me, my lungs contracted an for the next 20 sec, breathing wuz shit. next came in a vague dream that i wuz drowning in my blanket, and had to constantly rise for oxygen.

whatever tt means.

i can't help it, i still want u to enjoy urself more than me.

happy army stories are hard to come by, and onli for the reali crazy or reali luckly ppl.

i am neither.

so i will have to do what i can.

25/7/06
2.30 p.m.


=) thanks for the weekend.