as quickly as i exit the island

i prepare to enter it.

the feeing is the same..

a desire to escape it..

companionship can never compare to freedom..

of which i will easily trade.

tears that fall evrytime..

trickle to form a river

that dwarfs the nile..

that is the depth of longing..

that is the extend of my love..

*to my tokyo destroyer*

hey dear. cun get ur blog to load properly..

so i guess i'll do a tag here..

dis week has been totally great.. d weekend i mean.. hahaha but yeah..

still.. it rocked in everyway la..

time reali flies..

i noe it flies till i go baq in again.. but then.. it'll fly to when i get out.. an eventually..

till i finish dis shit.. hahahahaha


wheee!!!!!

so happy wit us..


p.s. i got into arts an soci!

an m totally touched by ur post.. *muacks*

baq from field camp!!!

wheee.. i made it..



we made it!!!

feel nice..


feel lyk i've grow..

but i dunno.. hahaha

still big sized tho.. din lose weight at all..

so.. wat's d diff..

but i guess..

i felt shitty abt leaving.. i noe now we can do this..

sulyn? we'll do well!

more than ever.. we'll do exceedingly well!

both got places in uni.. an yeah..

we rock!

not reali clear cuz i'm sleepy.. but yeah.. noe it's juz another step..

not onli forward, but also up..

I LOVE U CHENG SULYN!

THANK YOU GOD!

not reali tinking much else.. so i guess i shld quote from a book i'm reading, which is reali good!

i think prime numbers are like life. they are very logical but you could never work out the rules, even if you spent all your time thinking about them
-the curious incident of the dog in the night time


*happy, estatic*

in the 1st day of field camp.. i wore gloves.

those half finger kinds tt linger tightly over..

gave me a feeling tt someone was holding my hands all d time..

protectiing me from the muck.


it rained..


hard.

the gloves got wet.


an then i could not wear them animore.

damn i miss u babe.. i reali reali reali do..

i love u cheng sulyn..

with all of my heart..

as i go thru everything..

it's so bloody shitty..

i miss u so damn much babe..

hope 2 see you soon..

i love you.

hey...


baq out an in again....



so weird.. sounds so wrong..

but haiz*
when i go in.. friday is field camp..

gonna b so sian..

half excited.. half dread..

i dun wanna book in.. hahaha wish i had all d time in d world again..

but i guess.. time has 2 move on

tings have 2 change.. we have 2 do tings we dun wanna do..
gonna pick up my socks soon.. an wear my uniform again..

wit tears in my eyes..

i carry wit me in my heart
you inside
to look 2 when i feel lonely
to return 2 ur room when i need 2

i walk wit heavy steps,
cuz it's d tension
of me being pulled
away from you.

the string never snaps,
time clicks on,
an on.

on again.

i hate this life
of desires detained

i miss you badly.


God, i miss her so much..
it hurts so much..
but i noe u have us both in ur hand..
help me..
help her..
help us..

amen.

haiz*

going in again..

went 2 another church 2dae..

i hate booking in.. this weekend was juz sad..

comeout at 3.. going in at 730..

so freaking fast!


wanted 2 blog last week.. but mom kept turning off d internet..

i miss my old life..

never like uniform groups..

never belived in d cause i'm supposed 2 fight 4..

now i hav no choice..

tried 2 slp.. close my eyes an kept seeing ur face..

then i told myself.. i reali need u..

can't fight baq tears..

missing u so bad..

guess d song i posted reali means somthing..

love u CHENG SULYN!

i'll get strong.. an we'll make it thru.. *MUACKS*

Run

by Snow Patrol

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it any where
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you can not hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder, Louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think i might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbyes
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you can not hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder, Louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Slower, slower
We don't have time for that
All I want's to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart, my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if its just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you can not hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear 

army has been both sian an fun at d same time.. hahaha going in soon.. still tinking it's a dream.. but oh well.. we all have to adapt..

thnx everyone.. God, Sulyn, Eddie, Yuqin, Hp an My Family..

i'll make it thru

we'll make it thru

*wink*

haiz*

thus alreadi..

going in on sat..

it's reali the end of my holiday..


d best i've ever had..


ever..

cuz most of it wuz spent with the person i care abt the most..

so i guess.. we're all moving forward.. weather we want to or not..
i still wish there wuz an escape, tt this holiday would never end..

but i guess all good tings muz come to an end rite?

i can assure you this dear,

u will alwaes b on my mind.. thru evryting..

evryting we did will b replaying over an over again in my head.

an tt will keep me going..

knowing tt u r outthere waiting 4 me..

CHENG SULYN!

tt means the most to me..

i guess from now on we'll all move on.. as this is a crossroad tt we both muz take seprate paths, 4 the 1st time we have diff agendas,

but i noe we'll stick by each other.. an i'm sure we'll go into a deeper level than ever before!

as i go into army..

i promise i will continue to be you pillar of strength, and help u all i can.. i'll try an understand wat u r going thru, and support u any way i can..

half of me wishes tt we weren't together so there will be no pain..

but how can i even think tt? considering the 1 yr an 5 mths tt we spent together.. all d joy..

ian is right..

i have some1 waiting 4 me as i go in..

an ultimately.. i count myself blessed beyond comprehension..

we'll make it thru this sulyn dear..

this is my promise 2 you..

we'll make it work.. no matter wat!

*love you so much it hurts 2*

waring.. gushy post.. so.. 2 bad!

wahaha sulyn made it thru her project an got transfered! so freaking powerful...

*congrats baby!!*

ok. she never uses frenster animore.. an i guess this is a much beta means 2 write something abt her than that..

well.. she has done a totally great job at d st aerospace place, so much so tt she has been offered 2 stay an go 2 finance..

i mean.. WOW!

super proud.. i mean.. on her 1st office job.. starting work frm 745 and lyk.. nv leaving on d set time.. always doing at least 1 hr of overtime.. i mean... she saes it's abt d money.. but reali.. tt takes a freaking load of stamina.. totally rocks darling..

she has done wat many ppl wld die 2 look upon.. freaking ot till 1015 pm la! wat the heck.. gotta gif it up 4 her.. on top of tt, still able 2 put up wit my stupid moods, even more stupid ppl in d office (P*SSY LUCY) , still make frens, still make plans 4 d future..

wit the plan 2 go set up a child care centre (wuz silent on d fone cuz i wuz in amazement), details even.. still plan a great v'dae dinner.. tho it got cancelled by work.. but then again.. tt's all while in d office, an without ANY complains frm any staff.. tt is ultimate multitasking.. even tho she has not much interest in wat i do.. she still supposrts me d best she can.. i onli hope i do the same..

i guess there comes a time when we gif it up 4 someone who has done reali reali reali reali reali well.. an this is d time..

super excited 2 meet her tml.. super excited 2 hear her voice o the fone evrydae, super excited 2 sae, this is my girlfriend,

Cheng Sulyn, 16 mths together an still going strong, to call her my 'gf' will do injustice 2 her.

love you so so so much dear..

happy belated valentine's!

you have done so well!!!!

*MANY MANY HUGS & KISSES*

wa lau! there's no more mcspicy double in mac! it's juz a single patty tt is claimed 2 b thicker an jucier.. wth man...

seriously.. i dun understand y wit more competition coming up serving bigger burgers, macs has 2 constantly cut corners an shrink their food while raising prices..tt's even more reason not 2 go macs.. hell it's not even real meat u're paying 4.. mos has reali small burgers.. but teriyaki burger is lyk.. u can c a real chicken part! not sum solidified freeze dried mush or chicken waste parts...

qin is rite.. d 30 bucks u pay 4 billy bombers can buy u 15 mcchickens, but d amt of real meat u eat is lyk.. not there at all!

(chicken nuggets are solidified chicken bone an feather parts mixed wit flavouring)

so oh well..


Carls Jr. evry1! rocks


top tings of d week

1. meeting sulyn (time is of d essence girl! *hugs* hahaha)
2. learning DOTA ( i stil hav d most death counts)
3. getting d drum pad.. ( can play drum at nite now!)

of cuz d getting money from red packets is alwaes good la.. hahaah but onli annually.. hahaa


wuz tinking..

do ppl feel lonely, when they are alone? when they shop an walk ard by themselves?

how many ppl r there out there.. feeling lonely..

2 b lonely even in a crowd.. or even amoung frens.. cuz we're all isolated in a bubble of personal space... an secrets..

mayb we all are lonely.. juz varying in diff amts.. an diff thresholds 2 bear it..

i guess.. we all die alone rite?

says much abt how much we nid God..

heard frm ps king tt ppl hate silance, cuz it makes them noe they're alone, then they think.. of evryting..

i'm curious 2 noe how much this is an extent in society.. but then.. hahaha scared i do a bloody poe an become a monomaniac.. ahahah wat the..

oh well..

*CNY is a time 2 take money!*

well.. sulyn's at work now.. dunno when i'll b able 2 c her again..

i miss her alot.. dunno how 2 reali sae this out.. but i guess this can apply 4 her work an later when i go army... hahaha

enjoy baby.. i mean when i sae..

Here Without You

by 3 Doors Down

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand laughs have made me colder
And I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
They disappear now when I’m dreaming of your face

I’m here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight
It’s only you and me

The miles just keep rolling
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I’m here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby
You're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl
It’s only you and me

Everything I know
And anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it’s all said and done
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love

I’m here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl
It’s only you and me

i juz noe u're doing well.. an constantly praying 4 ur safety..
=) we'll meet again soon!

i
miss
you
!

wow.. qin's going in tml at 2 pm.. sulyn got a job, passed basic driving alreadi.. eddie's married.. i'm goin in army soon..

i'm starting 1 let d fact sink in tt i'm not getting ani younger.. time is so moving WAYYYYYY fast quickly.. i still dun feel 18 lor.. wa lau.. still feel slightly funny getting drinks.. hahaha

seems juz lyk yest we were slacking ard in sch.. acting lyk JC life wuz gonna last 4eva.. an not caring wat stupid econs hw wuz there 4 us 2 do.. while cramming 4 lit.. hahaha makes me smile evrytime i tink abt it lor.. hahaha.. damn i miss those daes.. hahaha

hmmmm memories.. wat 2 do.. pass so fast.. then when it's gone u're lyk.. dammit! realli wish 4 those daes baq again.. hahaha

all leaving 1 by 1 off 2 dif places alreadi..

all those i tot were young kids all growing up alreadi.. (still keep tinking ben's still in ACS.. hhahaha =P)

haiz* i admit it.. makes me feel lonely sometimes..

but tings hav 2 move on.. time has 2 take it's course..

an i noe we'll alwaes keep in touch..

2 all those hu played a part in my life..

thnx a damn hell lot..

i hav d perfect life thnx 2 u ppl..

u noe hu u guys r..

u mean a damn damn damn lot 2 me!

hope we dun drift off.. hahaha..

yest wuz totally great.. so wuz today's lunch..

special highlights of d past 2 daes:

*sulyn totally surprising me by coming over early*
*sharing sake*
*hanging out ard d merlion at nite*
*juz being together*

rock on ppl! thnx 4 all d memories!

ok out of psuedo-depression.. hahaah saw this on sulyn's blog, here's my shot at trying 2 be remembered

things u shld noe abt me.. if u realli wanna noe.


7 things tt scare me

1. going crazy
2. losing ppl i care abt
3. failing
4. roaches
5. geckos
6. amphibians (smily shits!)
7. dying a slow an painful death

7 things i like

1. all kinds of food! (esp value 4 $ 1s)
2. furry cute animals
   
3. jamming
4. reading
5. spending time wit frens
6. beer
7. kids/babies

7 most impt things in my room

1. sulyn's gifts
   
2. drumset
3. my bed an d stuff on it.
4. laptop
5. speaker set
6. table 2 dump my stuff
7. clothes

7 random facts abt me

1. i slp wit a blanket covering my whole body. it comforts me.
2. my body clock wakes me aft 6-7 hrs of slp.
3. i dun watch much tv.
4. i brush my teeth aft breakfast
5. i lyk gloomy bear
6. 1 of my best frens in sec sch wuz a ger.
   
7. mostly patitient an non-confrontational

7 things i plan 2 do b4 i die

1. marry sulyn
2. travel
3. do gigs
4. serve more in church
5. improve my guitar
6. sit 1st class in an aeroplane
7. have a good job wit education

7 things i can do

1. play the drums
2. basic guitar
3. eat alot
4. play squash
5. socialize quite well
6. laugh at myself
7. cook an assortment of egg dishes

7 things i can't do

1. go 1 dae witout communicating wit sulyn
   
2. cook much else otr than egg dishes
3. concentrate 4 long
4. do pullups
5. speak dialect
6. dance
7. speak in tongues

7 words i say the most

1. hahaha
2. okok
3. whee!
4. gross
5. damn
6. shit
7. oops
   

all of us are obsessed.

this obsession is the basis of many things tt exist today.

things we speak, things we do, write, all.. to feed this ever present desire.

why else would we desire to be the best, most vocal, most talented, most wise person.

it goes beyond pride, because i belive pride is a result of this, and is but weak.

we r ALL insecure, ALL scared, of 1 main thing..


to be remembered

thus we try 2 do evryting, mostly unknowingly, to have this idea, tt we have left a mark in society, in the world, and in the space of ppl's hearts, tt we will b cherished in people's memories 4 generations to come.

everyone, all obsessed.

fearful of being forgotten

we use blogs, graffiti, clothes, music to attempt to leave a mark.

life is damn short, but noes, mayb ur memory will last long aft u.

mayb tt explains suicides, can't find ur space in the physical world, therefore u leave a mark in memory, by doing something tt makes ppl sit up an take notice.

ur non-existance will ensure tt u r alwaes ard in memory.

mayb we're all crazy.

those tt succeed, do so unwittingly, by being themselves, ensure a respected place in history, and the minds of otrs.

but those tt fight 4 it, try an grab it forcefully, onli loses all, like sand slipping through ur fingers.
or r remembered 4 d wrong tings, cuz falsity nevers stands d test of time.

there is nth new under the sun

i admit it!

i'm a closet maple player..

somehow tt seems 2 ring off worst than a closet gay.. hahaha

i told evry1 i wld stop playing aft d A's..

but guess wat..

i stil m playing it.. feeling weird cuz i somehow feel powerful an proud tt my character has over 100k and does a considerable amt of damage.. cuz i read a walkthru!

ah!!

wat did i do 2dae?

wakeup, on com/maple, eat crappy food..

prac drums..

play maple evrytime i got tired..

played drums evrytime i needed 2 heal.

at least i went out 2 meet lau.. an had drum lessons.

ah!

i'm ashamed of my addiction.. hahaa

on d plus side.. constant drum lessons r driving me 2 improve.. with much pain.. hahaha

DUN START PPL!

*WAILS TO HIGH HEAVENS*

gd ting i'm going out tml. hahaha

*sings corrine may's "save me"*

oversensitivity and double-standards plague our world.

one is expected 2 turn d otr cheeck when outright offensiveness is pushed in their faces.. then when d irritation is called out.. foul play is called..

no1 ever says tings witout reason.

when one wants to act mature.. dun act it.. b it.. all the wae..

dun expect benefits witout responsibility.

dun make noise once d fun stops.



no offense to females, i'm all 4 equal rights!

but on d topic of equal rights.

u dun expect equal chances.. witout equal responsibility rite?

dun expect guys 2 repect u as an equal an then expect them 2 treat u lyk queens, giving u special treatment.

cuz tt.. is a fine eg of double standards


an 1 more ting.. juz cuz no noise wuz made. does not mean tt no hurt wuz felt.
thus, another aspect of maturity is considering ur actions on others.

self-centeredness, in ANY religion, is frowned upon.

speak less, do more.

hey guys..

wanna recomend engrish! hahaha:

to all those i dun lyk..


an introducing pens 4 a special grp of ppl.. hahah


so cracks me up..

anw.. ny's coming! prob spending it wit sulyn.. *winks* bet we're going 4 nice dinner an dessert.. hmmmm sounds wae wae wae cool.. hahaha =P

happy new yr ppl =) God Bless!

new yr resolutions..

1. do TEOSL
2. sulyn can get a job she reali enjoys
3. don't drift apart when i get into army
4. serve more in church
5. improve my drums by practising
6. draw nearer 2 God
7. be more honest wit myself
8. get sulyn an qin a church 2 join. =)

more mayb nxt time..

=P

thnx sulyn 4 d new skin! hahaha i tink it's fantabulous.. hahaha if there is a work liddat.. anw.. tink there's a new song up.. so.. hmmm change 2 IE an come baq.. an wait.. hahaha =P hehe..stupid dude 4 my old skin deleted d picture.. so no hav alreadi.. oh wel.. hahaha =P

love u dearling.. hhahaah =-P

hmmmm chrsitmas 2dae! hmmm merry an blessed christmas! 2 one an all..

it's lyk totally great dis yr la.. nice time spent wit frens.. esp my girlfren sulyn.. not 2 wit sd clique.. an also.. catching up wit chua.. totally look 4ward 2 hanging out again dude..

onli downer.. d passing of my granduncle..

dis wuz not unexpected.. but still feels sad.. thankful he is now wit God..

haha on 2 a serious matter.. this holiday mood has got me in a reflective mood..

i hav grown.. in all facets during this time..

gone r the daes by which my admittedly foolish self still resided in me.. when i wuz 16.. or even in early jc 1.. tings hav changed.. in this few yrs.. i've seen more than i hav seen.. i'm done more than i hav ever done..

i experienced regreat at foolish decisions.. an i hav seen many types of ppl.. frm totally cool ppl.. whom i hav come 2 respect.. 4 various reasons.. an also.. ppl hu noe nth yet shoot their mouths off.. wa.. tt 1.. damn irritating..

hahah dis period of time.. d biggest downer is d fact tt my eyes hav opened.. 2 c the BIGGEST ever kind of fake ppl ard me.. who try 2 live up an image of themselves.. because tt's all they hav.. cuz tt's all they r..

insecure..

ppl hu tok so much.. cuz tt's all they can do.. never inward looking...

lyk crabs in a bucket tt pull 1 down tt tries 2 escape..

hahah well.. tt's life 4 u then.. guess d daes by which we make frens or all kinds of relationships r done juz 4 itself.. motives come in.. but i guess.. tings grow..

hahah i guess.. i admit.. if i were 2 tok 2 my 16 yr old self.. who juz finished o's an waiting 4 his results.. i mite sae..

'u tink u noe alot joash.. but guess wat, U NOE NTH! cuz u haven't seen enuf 2 make judgements..'

juz lyk i cun tell my post-army frens tt i noe army.. y? cuz i haven't gone thru it yet now hav i? hahah all i hav a set sterotypes tt i tink r real.. as real is i tot my dad wuz a superhero when i wuz 5..

'make me fly daddy!'

hahah

sounds so weird now rite?

ahahahah

u may get angry over a snakebite.. an then tink u can write a bk abt how 2 handle snakes.. but tink abt it.. snakes onli bite in defence.. an also.. 1 snake bite does not make u a snake expert.. exp mayb at hurting snakes an then blaming them.. cuz d bite wuz due a handling screwup..

i guess.. learning is sumting tt is alwaes supposed 2 happen..

i used 2 tink i wuz an extrovert.. but as time changed.. i'm now kinda introveted..

hahah mayb it's juz me learning when 2 keep my mouth shut.. cuz seriously.. i dun tink i m tt terrible at starting an holding on 2 conversations.. hahah but i noe sumtimes.. toking 2 much juz shows how foolish i m..

an also learning 2 look ahead. instead of tinking for myself.. (it's still nice tho.. hahahahaah =P)

hahah hmmm in ani conflict.. there r 2 sides.. juz lyk most proper arts students are supposed to learn in history..

all hav their sides..

an mistakes..

an most actions r merely reactions..

hahah..

anw

damn.. gift exchange wit family onli on new yrs dae..

mite not hav much cash till then..

but it will come..

dis christmas..

i found out at least a little bit.. wat it means 2 love..

not much! but a peek..

dear! 2nd christmas..

onli abt damn alot more tt we're gonna spend 2gether rite?

hahaha..

*muacks*

(we're oni getting closer rite?)

nxt pt:

thnx 4 all d gifts.. sorrie i'm broke.. but yeah.. it's reali touching..

2 all my brothers an sisters in christ.. my clique mates.. 4 brothers an 1 girlfren.. =)

an old frens 4 juz being ard..

happy holidaes..