it's cool 2 be depressed.. i wanna be depressed.. hahaha

ok scrape tt.. this is a nice song from my early teenage years.. ahaha..

Adema - Giving In

Will you walk me,
To the edge again?
Shaking, lonely, and I am drinking again
Woke up tonight and no one's here with me
I'm giving in to you

Take me under,
I'm giving in to you
I'm dying tonight,
I'm giving in to you
Watch me crumble,
I'm giving in to you
I'm crying tonight,
I'm giving in to you

Caught up in life,
Losing all my friends,
Family has tried to heal all my addictions,
Tragic it seems to be alone again
I'm giving in to you

Take me under,
I'm giving in to you
I'm dying tonight,
I'm giving in to you
Watch me crumble,
I'm giving in to you
I'm crying tonight,
I'm giving in to you

I look forward to dying tonight,
Drink 'till I'm myself, life's harder every day,
The stress has got me,
I'm giving in..
Giving in!
Giving in, NO!

Take me under,
(I'm killing all the pain.)
I'm dying tonight,
(I'm sick of all that faith)
Watch me crumble,
(I'm killing all the pain.)
I'm crying tonight,
I'm giving in to you

Take me under,
I'm giving in to you
I'm dying tonight,
I'm giving in to you
Watch me crumble,
I'm giving in to you
I'm crying tonight,
I'm giving in to you
Take me under,
I'm giving in to you
I'm dying tonight,
I'm giving in to you


those days seem so near yet so far away.. lyk alot of things happen in between liddat.. hahaha.. =) kinda miss those days now.. hahaha..

other songs i wuz into last time.. an picking up again:

1. Chevelle - The Red
2. Breaking Benjamin - Polyamourous
3. Korn - Freak On A Leash
4. Finch - What It Is To Burn
5. Story Of The Year - Until The Day I Die
6. RATM - Wake Up, Bullet In The Head, Testify (alot la)
7. AFI - This Celluloid Dream, Girls Not Grey
8. Orgy - Blue Monday, Fiction (Dreams In Digital)

and many more.. hahaa check them out.. they're reali not bad..

i'm unlocking my past metalhead.. Wahahahaha.. =)

Jimi Hendrix Lyrics - Little Wing

Well, she's walking through the clouds
With a circus mind,
That's running wild.
Butterflies and zebras and moonbeams
And fairytales,

That's all she ever thinks about ...

Riding with the wind.

When I'm sad, she comes to me
With a thousand smiles
She gives to me free.

It's alright, she says,
It's alright;
Take anything you want from me,
Anything.

Fly on, little wing.


been hearing old sch stuff.. an this song is nice! mayb exp the corrs version, too.. erm.. irish? hahaha

mite detail my current playlist soon..


it's coming closer..

feeling shittier..

p.s. where's the hater on my tagboard? hahaha!

nice song, but once again, another self parody moment.

maple rocks!

i have ventured the maplesphere and came back wit picture postcards of my quest!









sure beats actaully playing tt game.. hahahaha!

sat down in the living room today at abt 6.

chronicled the setting sun in my mind.

felt myself fade away to the ghost i once was.

i swear i could almost see thru my arm.

i'm fading.

i'm not addicted to aniting..

juz to the feeling of escapism.

this is wat drives me..

how did a weird song go from.

this





to..



oh well.. nid slp.. an sumting beta 2 do.. hahahaha!

... ian ur lecturer mite be right aft all.. hahaha..

IS BATMAN GAY?

o_O?! i wanna play drums in a wookie suit 2.. ok wait no i wan d stormtropper shit.. hahahaha =P

bored

Ananova:

'Green' arms giant's lead-free bullets

A British arms giant is planning a new range of 'environmentally friendly' weapons - including lead-free bullets.

BAE Systems says it wants to design bullets without lead because it 'can harm the environment and pose a risk to people'.

The company also aims to make 'quieter' warheads to cut noise pollution and 'eco-friendly' rockets, reports The Sun.

Scientists are also working on bio-degradable explosives and grenades that produce less harmful smoke.

BAE director Dr Debbie Allen said: "Weapons are going to be used, and when they are we try to make them as safe to the user as possible to limit the collateral damage.

"We also try to impact as little as possible on the environment."

But Campaign Against Arms Trade spokesman Symon Hill said: "This is laughable. They make weapons to kill people. It's utterly ridiculous."

08:19 Monday 18th September 2006


1 mth att c.. mayb out of brave.. weird news..

do i ruin tings?

booking in.. again..

head's in a mess..

going in too fast.. haiz*

hate my life

hate booking in.. totally.. counting down is painful..

missing it all alreadi..

national day..

doesn't mean much 2 me exp a break.. hahaha..

saw this episode of band of brothers tt wuz shown in camp today titled
'why we fight', which juz showed d allies finding out abt the concentration camps.

d most memorable scene to me wuz actually the starting part, as in the song where they showed the old foto like ting...

it made me wonder..

to all you ppl out there tt belive tt war and armed conflict is glorious and heroic, and are willing to rush out at "the press of a button", let me ask u..

how would u feel going off to a foreign land to fight, for God noes how long, knowing full well tt u may never return, and even if you did, tt there would be no1 left around waiting for u?

can u honestly sat u can look a man square in the eye and shoot him dead? can you fight on when side by side ur frens die by u in a mess of blood and flying body parts?

are we all prepared for tt?

let ur imagination run wild.

why do we fight?

cuz we have orders to kill the ememy, while the 'ememy' has orders to kill their enemy, and all fighting carry the hope of going baq to the lives they lived before, for the people who pray for their safety everyday.

so let's tink logically and fairly, who rightfully deserves to die? whose side the evil one?

all must suffer cuz 2 people can't agree..

is it reali for our best interests?

i reali dun wanna be a part of this..

i'm not prepared.

sum fighting soldier huh?

how doi start

how do i tell u gow i feel, knowing how bad u alreadi do?
cause seriously, i noe how u feel TOTALLY.

i guess what hope i had last week has faded into confusion. don't wanna blame ani1, but all i can say is tt i'll juz have 2 do my best an c how it goes from there.

i realise tt i don't pray tt much animore, i mostly concentrate my feelings into a thick mass an fire it skywad to Heaven, while listening out for the soft thud of Someone bigger an greater than everything around me, catching it like a tennis ball thrown in his direction.

it reali sucks to feel helpless, like when i realised tt u were suffering yest an i could do nth but just start to pray. worry for you combined wit dread for myself as a silent superstition tt belives tt events will turn out the opposite of what i which for most of the time. 2ce i felt lyk drowning last nite. one when i showered, and the moment the water hit me, my lungs contracted an for the next 20 sec, breathing wuz shit. next came in a vague dream that i wuz drowning in my blanket, and had to constantly rise for oxygen.

whatever tt means.

i can't help it, i still want u to enjoy urself more than me.

happy army stories are hard to come by, and onli for the reali crazy or reali luckly ppl.

i am neither.

so i will have to do what i can.

25/7/06
2.30 p.m.


=) thanks for the weekend.

it sucks everytime i book in

i noe i'll b out again tml.. but tt still freaking leaves lyk monday till sat again.. so irritating la...


haiz*

miss myself being not ard..

it's lyk i come out.. and fade into non-existance again.. evry weekday.. juz phase out..

haiz* evryday i'm home feels lyk a weekend..

miss all..

miss u..

sulyn.. have fun ya??


take care in camp!!!! noe u'll do great. =)

wat is loneliness?
i guess it's tt weird feeling tt u get when u juz miss company. when 5 sec ago life seemed so hectic, and conversation so fluid. but soon aft it juz dies down into nothingness.

some ppl choose to attemp to jolt life back into the situation, to maybe make a phone call or sumting.. but mayb im a sadist, but i wanna sit this one out, in all it's gripping crushing darkness tt ebbs and flows ard me, to c wat it does to me, an mayb describe it.

like waiting till ur eyes adjust to the darknes of the night. seems tt darkness is something tt is pervading into my life more and more. but i dun fear it. it covers me, and hides the scary stuff from my eyes, which mayb a good ting.

i guess part of me feeling shitting is the fact tt i could be come doing beta tings wit my life then jus wasting my time eating mush witcool manes, i hate it here sometimes, esp when i'm alone, but it reali depends on my mood. i guess it gets worse when nitefalls, it's juz bad i guess.

weirdly, i can feel tt way on weekday aftnoons, esp when i'mat home alone. or anitime is good 2. mayb it' juz me feeling sian at being denies at wat i wanna do.

so i guess, mayb i can never be satisfied.

tinking leaves more qns than ans

writen on 13/7/06
8p.m. in Bravo Bunk


sian!!! booking in again!!!! still feels shitty!!!!! =P

missing evryting.. an worried abt d future. *haiz*

=)

last day of my status at home..

guess no matter wat happens.. i'm still an army boy..

back to the routine..

seemed kinda ironic tt i juz watched a show on a max security prison..

an there u live by a set of rules.. of respect.. blah blah blah..

sian.. sounds not 2 diff frm army..

kept saying tt in there time is in limbo.. tt evrydae is the same..

freak! isn't tt juz lyk NS?!

my time out wuz lyk.. limbo in limbo..

evrydae juz stay home.. then lyk dunno wat dae is wat.. cuz no diff..

get calls to check on me an shit.. can't move ard v much..

but screw tt.. i wld never give wat i had this week..

never.

living a week on stolen time.

euphoric.

wun bored wit details..

i'll juz explain it in colours..

juz wave aft wave of swirly happiness..

now darkening again..

a week of sloth an gluttony..

slipped lyk sand thru my fingers..

i guess i wld feel beta abt wat is coming if i actually knew wat is ahead..

i guess i juz have 2 c wat is unrevelled b4 me..




it's so hard not 2 hope..

cuz i dun wanna be dissappointed.

why?

haiz* tings feel kinda uncertain now.. cuz lyk i'm lyk now in limbo over my injury an stuff.. but haiz*

guess it's all up 2 d big guy above ya? hahaha =)

feel scared but yet.. juz noe tt we'll make it thru..

guess we can't hold on to the past.. an it seems lyk we're being dragged forward..

yeah we're both bummed out.. but haiz* =)

we're covered.. we juz gotta learn to rise above the trials ya?

it's crazy i noe. but yeah..

*WINKS*

here's a dedication again!

You'll Be Safe Here

Rivermaya

Nobody knows
Just why we're here
Could it be fate
Or random circumstance
At the right place
At the right time
Two roads intertwine

And if the universe conspired
To meld our lives
To make us
Fuel and fire
Then know
Where ever you will be
So too shall I be

Chorus:

Close your eyes
Dry your tears
'Coz when nothing seems clear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Weary heart
You'll be safe here

Remember how we laughed
Until we cried
At the most stupid things
Like we were so high
But love was all that we were on
We belong

And though the world would
Never understand
This unlikely union
And why it still stands
Someday we will be set free.
Pray and believe

Chorus:

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here
When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

Save your eyes
From your tears
When everything's unclear
You'll be safe here

From the sheer weight
Of your doubts and fears
Wounded heart

When the light disappears
And when this world's insincere
You'll be safe here

When nobody hears you scream
I'll scream with you
You'll be safe here

In my arms
Through the long cold night
Sleep tight
You'll be safe here

When no one understands
I'll believe
You'll be safe,
You'll be safe
You'll be safe here
Put your heart in my hands
You'll be safe here

argh.

hmmm sumtimes it's hard 2 sae wat i reali feel.. so i guess i shld juz make a dedication...

here's 2 u.. =)

Easy Tonight

You were wrong
You were right
And you are gone Tonight
You were free So alive
You were wrong You were right

And you were down
You could see
And you wore hearts for me
And you were sharp Sharp as knives
You were wrong You were right

Shot down said you never had the chance
Took a ride on a suicide romance
Could have sworn there was somebody home
To facilitate the great unknown
Oh woman, I ain't going to meet you anywhere
Dont know where Im going yet,
But I sure am getting there

Shotgun fire anybody home
I got two dimes in the telephone
Alright?
No, It's not easy tonight

Shotgun fire anybody home
I got two dimes in the telephone
Alright?
No, It's not easy tonight

You were bound You were free
You wear black for me
You were dark As Dark as night
You were wrong Yet you were right

Shot down said you never had the chance
Took a ride on a suicide romance
Could have sworn there was somebody home
To facilitate the great unknown
Oh woman, I ain't going to meet you anywhere
Dont know where Im going yet, no
But I sure am getting there

Shotgun fire anybody home
I got two dimes in the telephone
Alright?
No, It's not easy tonight

Shotgun fire anybody home
I got two dimes in the telephone
Alright?
No, It's not easy tonight

She's In over my head
And it's not easy, it's not easy tonight

She's In over my head
And it's not easy, its not easy tonight

Shotgun fire anybody home
I got two dimes in the telephone
Alright?
No It's not easy tonight

Shotgun fire anybody home
I got two dimes in the telephone
Alright? Yeah!

You were free Now your not
You were free babe 

haiz*

an then there is silence..

juz silence..

it's crushing..

vast an pitch black..

no sound of my tears..

tho they pour..

i miss u..

i miss the light..

*have fun where u are*

got posting.. a combat engineer.. doing bridging.. ah..

confusion , fear an excitement combined..

haiz* dunno how it's gonna turn out..

but i guess it's all i God's hands rite?

noe it's gonna b ok..

hmmm sulyn's in china.. hope she's fine..

no matter wat happens.. i stil miss her.. alot..

hope she'll b fine. an i noe she'll have alot of fun.. hahaha

juz hoping an praying..

hope tings turn out good..

=)

hello from the airport! hahahahah


going hanoi for a few days.. hahaha aq on the 14th of march..

will miss evry1.. an will try 2 get stuff ya? hahaha


sulyn: miss u damn alot!!! take care k? will be back soon


free internet is so cool.. heeee!

who r we?

an what do we have?

that leaves us to wit an extremity of emotions..

swinging back n forth..

leaving us giddy and in a massive whirlpool of rage and euphoria

a mixture that beats special k..

is this for the best?

i don't know..

is this what shld be done?

i don't know..

d future is a darkness..

pop in 3 days..


seems so fast..

time reali flies..

have i grown?

hmmmmm


step forward into another unknown..

but i noe i'm covered..

hope i stay d same.. hope i stay sane.. hehe..

hope i grow wit sulyn..

=P

*big hug*

ah!!! finished live range.. passed.. now 2 an a half more weeks til lit's all over.. haiz..

it's good..

3 mths of my 2 yr service completing..

no love 4 it yet..

uni admissions came in.. gotta tink abt tt..


sulyn: dear, do wat u feel wat is ur heart's desire rite? i promise i will support u ani an evrywae i can.. do well babe! *muacks*

still miss her evrytime i go in..

looking at her face

ignites a warmth in my heart

her every action

obviliates my sorrow.

tho times we thirst for blood,

it's a small step of growth.

quirky is wat i describe us to be

but ah! just mite do a tom cruise

mad with elation.

this is only the beginning.

ahhhhh..

hee!

watched da vinci.. hmmm i juz wanna sae.. it doesnt strike me as much a stab in my faith..

all i'm going 2 show is this.. this more or less sums up wat i belive.

i belive, all other facts r secondary.

if we wld juz question ourselves, "does it REALLY matter?"

cuz ultimately, its fiction.

---

Apostles' Creed

1. I believe in God the Father, Almighty, Maker of heaven and earth:

2. And in Jesus Christ, his only begotten Son, our Lord:

3. Who was conceived by the Holy Ghost, born of the Virgin Mary:

4. Suffered under Pontius Pilate; was crucified, dead and buried: He descended into hell:

5. The third day he rose again from the dead:

6. He ascended into heaven, and sits at the right hand of God the Father Almighty:

7. From thence he shall come to judge the living and the dead:

8. I believe in the Holy Ghost:

9. I believe in the holy catholic* church: the communion of saints:

10. The forgiveness of sins:

1l. The resurrection of the body:

12. And the life everlasting. Amen.

*tt signifies the unified church of Jesus, not the Catholics, mind u.. hahaha

find it sad tt most christians haven't heard or use this, it's a useful ting. hahaha

take care ppl..

as quickly as i exit the island

i prepare to enter it.

the feeing is the same..

a desire to escape it..

companionship can never compare to freedom..

of which i will easily trade.

tears that fall evrytime..

trickle to form a river

that dwarfs the nile..

that is the depth of longing..

that is the extend of my love..

*to my tokyo destroyer*

hey dear. cun get ur blog to load properly..

so i guess i'll do a tag here..

dis week has been totally great.. d weekend i mean.. hahaha but yeah..

still.. it rocked in everyway la..

time reali flies..

i noe it flies till i go baq in again.. but then.. it'll fly to when i get out.. an eventually..

till i finish dis shit.. hahahahaha


wheee!!!!!

so happy wit us..


p.s. i got into arts an soci!

an m totally touched by ur post.. *muacks*

baq from field camp!!!

wheee.. i made it..



we made it!!!

feel nice..


feel lyk i've grow..

but i dunno.. hahaha

still big sized tho.. din lose weight at all..

so.. wat's d diff..

but i guess..

i felt shitty abt leaving.. i noe now we can do this..

sulyn? we'll do well!

more than ever.. we'll do exceedingly well!

both got places in uni.. an yeah..

we rock!

not reali clear cuz i'm sleepy.. but yeah.. noe it's juz another step..

not onli forward, but also up..

I LOVE U CHENG SULYN!

THANK YOU GOD!

not reali tinking much else.. so i guess i shld quote from a book i'm reading, which is reali good!

i think prime numbers are like life. they are very logical but you could never work out the rules, even if you spent all your time thinking about them
-the curious incident of the dog in the night time


*happy, estatic*

in the 1st day of field camp.. i wore gloves.

those half finger kinds tt linger tightly over..

gave me a feeling tt someone was holding my hands all d time..

protectiing me from the muck.


it rained..


hard.

the gloves got wet.


an then i could not wear them animore.

damn i miss u babe.. i reali reali reali do..

i love u cheng sulyn..

with all of my heart..

as i go thru everything..

it's so bloody shitty..

i miss u so damn much babe..

hope 2 see you soon..

i love you.

hey...


baq out an in again....



so weird.. sounds so wrong..

but haiz*
when i go in.. friday is field camp..

gonna b so sian..

half excited.. half dread..

i dun wanna book in.. hahaha wish i had all d time in d world again..

but i guess.. time has 2 move on

tings have 2 change.. we have 2 do tings we dun wanna do..
gonna pick up my socks soon.. an wear my uniform again..

wit tears in my eyes..

i carry wit me in my heart
you inside
to look 2 when i feel lonely
to return 2 ur room when i need 2

i walk wit heavy steps,
cuz it's d tension
of me being pulled
away from you.

the string never snaps,
time clicks on,
an on.

on again.

i hate this life
of desires detained

i miss you badly.


God, i miss her so much..
it hurts so much..
but i noe u have us both in ur hand..
help me..
help her..
help us..

amen.

haiz*

going in again..

went 2 another church 2dae..

i hate booking in.. this weekend was juz sad..

comeout at 3.. going in at 730..

so freaking fast!


wanted 2 blog last week.. but mom kept turning off d internet..

i miss my old life..

never like uniform groups..

never belived in d cause i'm supposed 2 fight 4..

now i hav no choice..

tried 2 slp.. close my eyes an kept seeing ur face..

then i told myself.. i reali need u..

can't fight baq tears..

missing u so bad..

guess d song i posted reali means somthing..

love u CHENG SULYN!

i'll get strong.. an we'll make it thru.. *MUACKS*

Run

by Snow Patrol

I'll sing it one last time for you
Then we really have to go
You've been the only thing that's right
In all I've done

And I can barely look at you
But every single time I do
I know we'll make it any where
Away from here

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you can not hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder, Louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

To think i might not see those eyes
Makes it so hard not to cry
And as we say our long goodbyes
I nearly do

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you can not hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear

Louder, Louder
And we'll run for our lives
I can hardly speak I understand
Why you can't raise your voice to say

Slower, slower
We don't have time for that
All I want's to find an easier way
To get out of our little heads

Have heart, my dear
We're bound to be afraid
Even if its just for a few days
Making up for all this mess

Light up, light up
As if you have a choice
Even if you can not hear my voice
I'll be right beside you dear 

army has been both sian an fun at d same time.. hahaha going in soon.. still tinking it's a dream.. but oh well.. we all have to adapt..

thnx everyone.. God, Sulyn, Eddie, Yuqin, Hp an My Family..

i'll make it thru

we'll make it thru

*wink*

haiz*

thus alreadi..

going in on sat..

it's reali the end of my holiday..


d best i've ever had..


ever..

cuz most of it wuz spent with the person i care abt the most..

so i guess.. we're all moving forward.. weather we want to or not..
i still wish there wuz an escape, tt this holiday would never end..

but i guess all good tings muz come to an end rite?

i can assure you this dear,

u will alwaes b on my mind.. thru evryting..

evryting we did will b replaying over an over again in my head.

an tt will keep me going..

knowing tt u r outthere waiting 4 me..

CHENG SULYN!

tt means the most to me..

i guess from now on we'll all move on.. as this is a crossroad tt we both muz take seprate paths, 4 the 1st time we have diff agendas,

but i noe we'll stick by each other.. an i'm sure we'll go into a deeper level than ever before!

as i go into army..

i promise i will continue to be you pillar of strength, and help u all i can.. i'll try an understand wat u r going thru, and support u any way i can..

half of me wishes tt we weren't together so there will be no pain..

but how can i even think tt? considering the 1 yr an 5 mths tt we spent together.. all d joy..

ian is right..

i have some1 waiting 4 me as i go in..

an ultimately.. i count myself blessed beyond comprehension..

we'll make it thru this sulyn dear..

this is my promise 2 you..

we'll make it work.. no matter wat!

*love you so much it hurts 2*

waring.. gushy post.. so.. 2 bad!

wahaha sulyn made it thru her project an got transfered! so freaking powerful...

*congrats baby!!*

ok. she never uses frenster animore.. an i guess this is a much beta means 2 write something abt her than that..

well.. she has done a totally great job at d st aerospace place, so much so tt she has been offered 2 stay an go 2 finance..

i mean.. WOW!

super proud.. i mean.. on her 1st office job.. starting work frm 745 and lyk.. nv leaving on d set time.. always doing at least 1 hr of overtime.. i mean... she saes it's abt d money.. but reali.. tt takes a freaking load of stamina.. totally rocks darling..

she has done wat many ppl wld die 2 look upon.. freaking ot till 1015 pm la! wat the heck.. gotta gif it up 4 her.. on top of tt, still able 2 put up wit my stupid moods, even more stupid ppl in d office (P*SSY LUCY) , still make frens, still make plans 4 d future..

wit the plan 2 go set up a child care centre (wuz silent on d fone cuz i wuz in amazement), details even.. still plan a great v'dae dinner.. tho it got cancelled by work.. but then again.. tt's all while in d office, an without ANY complains frm any staff.. tt is ultimate multitasking.. even tho she has not much interest in wat i do.. she still supposrts me d best she can.. i onli hope i do the same..

i guess there comes a time when we gif it up 4 someone who has done reali reali reali reali reali well.. an this is d time..

super excited 2 meet her tml.. super excited 2 hear her voice o the fone evrydae, super excited 2 sae, this is my girlfriend,

Cheng Sulyn, 16 mths together an still going strong, to call her my 'gf' will do injustice 2 her.

love you so so so much dear..

happy belated valentine's!

you have done so well!!!!

*MANY MANY HUGS & KISSES*

wa lau! there's no more mcspicy double in mac! it's juz a single patty tt is claimed 2 b thicker an jucier.. wth man...

seriously.. i dun understand y wit more competition coming up serving bigger burgers, macs has 2 constantly cut corners an shrink their food while raising prices..tt's even more reason not 2 go macs.. hell it's not even real meat u're paying 4.. mos has reali small burgers.. but teriyaki burger is lyk.. u can c a real chicken part! not sum solidified freeze dried mush or chicken waste parts...

qin is rite.. d 30 bucks u pay 4 billy bombers can buy u 15 mcchickens, but d amt of real meat u eat is lyk.. not there at all!

(chicken nuggets are solidified chicken bone an feather parts mixed wit flavouring)

so oh well..


Carls Jr. evry1! rocks


top tings of d week

1. meeting sulyn (time is of d essence girl! *hugs* hahaha)
2. learning DOTA ( i stil hav d most death counts)
3. getting d drum pad.. ( can play drum at nite now!)

of cuz d getting money from red packets is alwaes good la.. hahaah but onli annually.. hahaa


wuz tinking..

do ppl feel lonely, when they are alone? when they shop an walk ard by themselves?

how many ppl r there out there.. feeling lonely..

2 b lonely even in a crowd.. or even amoung frens.. cuz we're all isolated in a bubble of personal space... an secrets..

mayb we all are lonely.. juz varying in diff amts.. an diff thresholds 2 bear it..

i guess.. we all die alone rite?

says much abt how much we nid God..

heard frm ps king tt ppl hate silance, cuz it makes them noe they're alone, then they think.. of evryting..

i'm curious 2 noe how much this is an extent in society.. but then.. hahaha scared i do a bloody poe an become a monomaniac.. ahahah wat the..

oh well..

*CNY is a time 2 take money!*

well.. sulyn's at work now.. dunno when i'll b able 2 c her again..

i miss her alot.. dunno how 2 reali sae this out.. but i guess this can apply 4 her work an later when i go army... hahaha

enjoy baby.. i mean when i sae..

Here Without You

by 3 Doors Down

A hundred days have made me older
Since the last time that I saw your pretty face
A thousand laughs have made me colder
And I don’t think I can look at this the same
But all the miles that separate
They disappear now when I’m dreaming of your face

I’m here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight
It’s only you and me

The miles just keep rolling
As the people leave their way to say hello
I've heard this life is overrated
But I hope that it gets better as we go

I’m here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby
You're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl
It’s only you and me

Everything I know
And anywhere I go
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love
And when the last one falls
When it’s all said and done
It gets hard but it won’t take away my love

I’m here without you baby
But you're still on my lonely mind
I think about you baby
And I dream about you all the time
I’m here without you baby
But you're still with me in my dreams
And tonight girl
It’s only you and me

i juz noe u're doing well.. an constantly praying 4 ur safety..
=) we'll meet again soon!

i
miss
you
!

wow.. qin's going in tml at 2 pm.. sulyn got a job, passed basic driving alreadi.. eddie's married.. i'm goin in army soon..

i'm starting 1 let d fact sink in tt i'm not getting ani younger.. time is so moving WAYYYYYY fast quickly.. i still dun feel 18 lor.. wa lau.. still feel slightly funny getting drinks.. hahaha

seems juz lyk yest we were slacking ard in sch.. acting lyk JC life wuz gonna last 4eva.. an not caring wat stupid econs hw wuz there 4 us 2 do.. while cramming 4 lit.. hahaha makes me smile evrytime i tink abt it lor.. hahaha.. damn i miss those daes.. hahaha

hmmmm memories.. wat 2 do.. pass so fast.. then when it's gone u're lyk.. dammit! realli wish 4 those daes baq again.. hahaha

all leaving 1 by 1 off 2 dif places alreadi..

all those i tot were young kids all growing up alreadi.. (still keep tinking ben's still in ACS.. hhahaha =P)

haiz* i admit it.. makes me feel lonely sometimes..

but tings hav 2 move on.. time has 2 take it's course..

an i noe we'll alwaes keep in touch..

2 all those hu played a part in my life..

thnx a damn hell lot..

i hav d perfect life thnx 2 u ppl..

u noe hu u guys r..

u mean a damn damn damn lot 2 me!

hope we dun drift off.. hahaha..

yest wuz totally great.. so wuz today's lunch..

special highlights of d past 2 daes:

*sulyn totally surprising me by coming over early*
*sharing sake*
*hanging out ard d merlion at nite*
*juz being together*

rock on ppl! thnx 4 all d memories!

ok out of psuedo-depression.. hahaah saw this on sulyn's blog, here's my shot at trying 2 be remembered

things u shld noe abt me.. if u realli wanna noe.


7 things tt scare me

1. going crazy
2. losing ppl i care abt
3. failing
4. roaches
5. geckos
6. amphibians (smily shits!)
7. dying a slow an painful death

7 things i like

1. all kinds of food! (esp value 4 $ 1s)
2. furry cute animals
   
3. jamming
4. reading
5. spending time wit frens
6. beer
7. kids/babies

7 most impt things in my room

1. sulyn's gifts
   
2. drumset
3. my bed an d stuff on it.
4. laptop
5. speaker set
6. table 2 dump my stuff
7. clothes

7 random facts abt me

1. i slp wit a blanket covering my whole body. it comforts me.
2. my body clock wakes me aft 6-7 hrs of slp.
3. i dun watch much tv.
4. i brush my teeth aft breakfast
5. i lyk gloomy bear
6. 1 of my best frens in sec sch wuz a ger.
   
7. mostly patitient an non-confrontational

7 things i plan 2 do b4 i die

1. marry sulyn
2. travel
3. do gigs
4. serve more in church
5. improve my guitar
6. sit 1st class in an aeroplane
7. have a good job wit education

7 things i can do

1. play the drums
2. basic guitar
3. eat alot
4. play squash
5. socialize quite well
6. laugh at myself
7. cook an assortment of egg dishes

7 things i can't do

1. go 1 dae witout communicating wit sulyn
   
2. cook much else otr than egg dishes
3. concentrate 4 long
4. do pullups
5. speak dialect
6. dance
7. speak in tongues

7 words i say the most

1. hahaha
2. okok
3. whee!
4. gross
5. damn
6. shit
7. oops
   

all of us are obsessed.

this obsession is the basis of many things tt exist today.

things we speak, things we do, write, all.. to feed this ever present desire.

why else would we desire to be the best, most vocal, most talented, most wise person.

it goes beyond pride, because i belive pride is a result of this, and is but weak.

we r ALL insecure, ALL scared, of 1 main thing..


to be remembered

thus we try 2 do evryting, mostly unknowingly, to have this idea, tt we have left a mark in society, in the world, and in the space of ppl's hearts, tt we will b cherished in people's memories 4 generations to come.

everyone, all obsessed.

fearful of being forgotten

we use blogs, graffiti, clothes, music to attempt to leave a mark.

life is damn short, but noes, mayb ur memory will last long aft u.

mayb tt explains suicides, can't find ur space in the physical world, therefore u leave a mark in memory, by doing something tt makes ppl sit up an take notice.

ur non-existance will ensure tt u r alwaes ard in memory.

mayb we're all crazy.

those tt succeed, do so unwittingly, by being themselves, ensure a respected place in history, and the minds of otrs.

but those tt fight 4 it, try an grab it forcefully, onli loses all, like sand slipping through ur fingers.
or r remembered 4 d wrong tings, cuz falsity nevers stands d test of time.

there is nth new under the sun

i admit it!

i'm a closet maple player..

somehow tt seems 2 ring off worst than a closet gay.. hahaha

i told evry1 i wld stop playing aft d A's..

but guess wat..

i stil m playing it.. feeling weird cuz i somehow feel powerful an proud tt my character has over 100k and does a considerable amt of damage.. cuz i read a walkthru!

ah!!

wat did i do 2dae?

wakeup, on com/maple, eat crappy food..

prac drums..

play maple evrytime i got tired..

played drums evrytime i needed 2 heal.

at least i went out 2 meet lau.. an had drum lessons.

ah!

i'm ashamed of my addiction.. hahaa

on d plus side.. constant drum lessons r driving me 2 improve.. with much pain.. hahaha

DUN START PPL!

*WAILS TO HIGH HEAVENS*

gd ting i'm going out tml. hahaha

*sings corrine may's "save me"*

oversensitivity and double-standards plague our world.

one is expected 2 turn d otr cheeck when outright offensiveness is pushed in their faces.. then when d irritation is called out.. foul play is called..

no1 ever says tings witout reason.

when one wants to act mature.. dun act it.. b it.. all the wae..

dun expect benefits witout responsibility.

dun make noise once d fun stops.



no offense to females, i'm all 4 equal rights!

but on d topic of equal rights.

u dun expect equal chances.. witout equal responsibility rite?

dun expect guys 2 repect u as an equal an then expect them 2 treat u lyk queens, giving u special treatment.

cuz tt.. is a fine eg of double standards


an 1 more ting.. juz cuz no noise wuz made. does not mean tt no hurt wuz felt.
thus, another aspect of maturity is considering ur actions on others.

self-centeredness, in ANY religion, is frowned upon.

speak less, do more.

hey guys..

wanna recomend engrish! hahaha:

to all those i dun lyk..


an introducing pens 4 a special grp of ppl.. hahah


so cracks me up..

anw.. ny's coming! prob spending it wit sulyn.. *winks* bet we're going 4 nice dinner an dessert.. hmmmm sounds wae wae wae cool.. hahaha =P

happy new yr ppl =) God Bless!

new yr resolutions..

1. do TEOSL
2. sulyn can get a job she reali enjoys
3. don't drift apart when i get into army
4. serve more in church
5. improve my drums by practising
6. draw nearer 2 God
7. be more honest wit myself
8. get sulyn an qin a church 2 join. =)

more mayb nxt time..

=P

thnx sulyn 4 d new skin! hahaha i tink it's fantabulous.. hahaha if there is a work liddat.. anw.. tink there's a new song up.. so.. hmmm change 2 IE an come baq.. an wait.. hahaha =P hehe..stupid dude 4 my old skin deleted d picture.. so no hav alreadi.. oh wel.. hahaha =P

love u dearling.. hhahaah =-P

hmmmm chrsitmas 2dae! hmmm merry an blessed christmas! 2 one an all..

it's lyk totally great dis yr la.. nice time spent wit frens.. esp my girlfren sulyn.. not 2 wit sd clique.. an also.. catching up wit chua.. totally look 4ward 2 hanging out again dude..

onli downer.. d passing of my granduncle..

dis wuz not unexpected.. but still feels sad.. thankful he is now wit God..

haha on 2 a serious matter.. this holiday mood has got me in a reflective mood..

i hav grown.. in all facets during this time..

gone r the daes by which my admittedly foolish self still resided in me.. when i wuz 16.. or even in early jc 1.. tings hav changed.. in this few yrs.. i've seen more than i hav seen.. i'm done more than i hav ever done..

i experienced regreat at foolish decisions.. an i hav seen many types of ppl.. frm totally cool ppl.. whom i hav come 2 respect.. 4 various reasons.. an also.. ppl hu noe nth yet shoot their mouths off.. wa.. tt 1.. damn irritating..

hahah dis period of time.. d biggest downer is d fact tt my eyes hav opened.. 2 c the BIGGEST ever kind of fake ppl ard me.. who try 2 live up an image of themselves.. because tt's all they hav.. cuz tt's all they r..

insecure..

ppl hu tok so much.. cuz tt's all they can do.. never inward looking...

lyk crabs in a bucket tt pull 1 down tt tries 2 escape..

hahah well.. tt's life 4 u then.. guess d daes by which we make frens or all kinds of relationships r done juz 4 itself.. motives come in.. but i guess.. tings grow..

hahah i guess.. i admit.. if i were 2 tok 2 my 16 yr old self.. who juz finished o's an waiting 4 his results.. i mite sae..

'u tink u noe alot joash.. but guess wat, U NOE NTH! cuz u haven't seen enuf 2 make judgements..'

juz lyk i cun tell my post-army frens tt i noe army.. y? cuz i haven't gone thru it yet now hav i? hahah all i hav a set sterotypes tt i tink r real.. as real is i tot my dad wuz a superhero when i wuz 5..

'make me fly daddy!'

hahah

sounds so weird now rite?

ahahahah

u may get angry over a snakebite.. an then tink u can write a bk abt how 2 handle snakes.. but tink abt it.. snakes onli bite in defence.. an also.. 1 snake bite does not make u a snake expert.. exp mayb at hurting snakes an then blaming them.. cuz d bite wuz due a handling screwup..

i guess.. learning is sumting tt is alwaes supposed 2 happen..

i used 2 tink i wuz an extrovert.. but as time changed.. i'm now kinda introveted..

hahah mayb it's juz me learning when 2 keep my mouth shut.. cuz seriously.. i dun tink i m tt terrible at starting an holding on 2 conversations.. hahah but i noe sumtimes.. toking 2 much juz shows how foolish i m..

an also learning 2 look ahead. instead of tinking for myself.. (it's still nice tho.. hahahahaah =P)

hahah hmmm in ani conflict.. there r 2 sides.. juz lyk most proper arts students are supposed to learn in history..

all hav their sides..

an mistakes..

an most actions r merely reactions..

hahah..

anw

damn.. gift exchange wit family onli on new yrs dae..

mite not hav much cash till then..

but it will come..

dis christmas..

i found out at least a little bit.. wat it means 2 love..

not much! but a peek..

dear! 2nd christmas..

onli abt damn alot more tt we're gonna spend 2gether rite?

hahaha..

*muacks*

(we're oni getting closer rite?)

nxt pt:

thnx 4 all d gifts.. sorrie i'm broke.. but yeah.. it's reali touching..

2 all my brothers an sisters in christ.. my clique mates.. 4 brothers an 1 girlfren.. =)

an old frens 4 juz being ard..

happy holidaes..

haiz* juz tinking.. i'm starting 2 miss those daes of going 2 sch.. not actaully doing d work.. but physically going 2 sch.. those daes were so great..

will utterly miss d classroom.

whooo i'm here! baq frm i dunno where

hmmm wat has happened since i last updated? wit words i mean. hmmm
A's over, Prom, swent swimming.. slacked. acted in christmas play as angel/simon/disciple/crowd. slacked again. (details look at otr ppl's blog. i lazy)

juz here 2 sae.. i completed Prince of Persia 3! yeah! 1st ps game i completed. wahahha.. hmmm i tink i did it in a wk or sumting liddat. so mite hav 2 move on.

on a serious note. time realli flies. christmas i coming an i got a gift xchange an stuff. plus presents 2 buy.. so i kinda gotta save.

but t's not my point. sulyn's i malaysia an i reali miss her.. haha.. gone frm mondae 2 till fridae. hmmm i guess i'm juz doing stuff 2 keep myself occupied. an i hope she's fine as well.. haha.. reali not used 2 not having toks on d fone at nite. last nite picked up d fone an realised i cldn't call.. hahaha so mising is an understatement.. =) but yeah.. hope she's having lots of fun buy cheap an sometimes real shit frm malaysia! hahaha. missing u babe!

squash an swimming 2dae revealed some tings.. i'm not fit, an i dun hav alot of concentration.. hahahah oh well..

i tink i getting bored of maple alreadi.. it's onli fun when another person is playing.. cuz compared d prince of persia.. d graphics r lyk.. ..... an dun hget me started on d movement.. hahahah.. but it's still mindless fun.. hahah

hmmm otr then tt.. hope i find stuff 2 do.. or i mite juz do a whole dae slp spell.. hahha

army is still far away! i hope. =P

wow! havent updated so long my com4got my pw an had 2 retype my password 2 blogger.. hahaha

damn man.. exams drawing 2 a close.. feel dis overwhelming sense of relief tt is washing over me.. an i calm but gradually acceptance of the fact that..

HISTORY IS OVER!

WE'RE FINISHED!

hahahaha =P in more waes than 1..

but there's still gothic.. which i dn mind doing..... but haiz* thus is drawing nearer an nearer..

noe it'll pass fast if i juz slack it off.. but nono! cun do tt now cn i.. hahhaa..

but yeah.. looking 4ward 2 so many tings.. hahah

an yeah.. mayb tt's wat's getting 2 me..

lying an slacking wit sulyn.. =)

doing crazy stuff wit d gang.. hmmm haiz*

picking up my drums again..

aft 2dae i kinda found out wat's getting 2 me..

mayb it's not d exams.. but actaully fatigue.. i'm juz so tired.. wanna juz end it.. so i cn move on.. i hope.. i'm scared of d outcome.. but wth.. i've come so far.. cun do aniting abt tt now can i?

haiz* juz hope we do ok.. =)

dear.. mayb 2dae i felt weird not cuz of aniting.. but of d fact tt it wuz so close yet so far.. an i juzz felt lyk.. this sense of overwhelming anticipation.. tt is pressing on me so much..

sorrie i made u worry.. but yeah.. =) gotta juz let it sink in rite?

realli looking forward 2 d end.. =) so so much..

then we'll hav all d time in d world rite? 4 mths at least.. hahahaha.. =P

but yeah.. til then.. whee! we rock..

thnx 4 being there when i needed sulyn.. reali meant alot.. reali looking 4ward 2 d end of this wit u.. *wink* so much planned rite dear? missing u now.. alot..

an 4 all those hu msged me.. thnx alot.. i'm fine! i guess.. ahahah =P

well. gotta stop now.. so..

more later! hehe =P

to the gecko in my room

ok.. i noe u wun understand aniting i sae.. much less read a blog tt is speeaking 2 u.. but i cun very well speak gecko (cluck cluck cluck) and u understand neither english, chinese or d guttural noises i try 2 pass offas german or d hi pitched squeaks tt make tt is supposed 2 pas of as thai.. so yeah.. i'll juz stick 2 wat i noe..

U IDIOT!
I TRY AN RELEASE U TO THE WILD AND U SPIT IN MY FACE AN RUN AWAY!

ok so i chased u wit a bottle an crashing lyk a whale in a kiddy pool.. but tt's still no reason 2 do tt..
i do respect d fact tt u cn do weird acrobatics while sticking 2 d wall.. but i juz hope u understand tt i dun reali lyk animals crawling abt my room..

let me get this straight.. there's no food in my room tt i noe of.. so i dun wanna hav 2 find ur body in full rigor mortis.. cuz tt's juz gross..

SO I BEG U! GET OUT! there r plenty of small bugs tt u love outside my room..

tt being said.. i dun tink u wld move so i propose a truce..

fine u cn stay.. till i catch u tt is.. but till then.. here r d conditions..

1. no rude surprises crawling over my leg or desk when i'm awake.
2. keep d mosquitoes out, or silverfish.. or ants..
3. it mite get cold at nite.. shld u wanna snuggle.. d otr warm body tt lies nearer the floor is warmer than mine is open.. i'm sure he'll love company.
4. shld u still wanna hang wit me.. do it when i'm aslp.. (see 1.)
5. on my pillow there cld b puddles of water at nite.. shld u b thirsty.. but DON'T enter the source of the water!
6. all otr openings shld b avoided as well.. esp d warm, dark but smelly 1 where my legs meet (for ur own gd)
7. rules does not apply 4 d lower lying warm body.
8. try 2 avoid being crushed.. dun wanna clean up ur innards.
   

din hit 10.. so guess tt cld b ez 2 remember..
i grudgingly sae,
Have A Nice Stay

(hell.. still better than having roaches rite?)
all d best in studying ppl!
*WINK* to my tokyo destroyer! hehe

yeah!!! got d pictures of d fantabulous shoes! ahahah aren't they juz awesome? hehe.. 1 yr prez frm Sulyn.. haha.. so uber glad we made it la..

these r totally a dream 2 wear la.. and look at.. haha.. an wat's more, there's onli 2 in singapore!! whoopie! hehe.. so yeah.. ogle away.. cuz tt's d most u're gonna get! hahaha


side view now.. hehe.. DVS! ltd ed imports! yeah! hahah

THNX BABE! lotsa love!

=)

*my tokyo destroyer*

yeah!!!!

ONE YEAR!!! ONE YEAR!!! WHOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!!!

IT'S FINALLY HERE!!!! 1 YEAR.. 365 DAES.. tt juz makes out 2 b many many moments.. many many minutes.. many many many many many many many GREAT times spent 2gether.. b it being physically together, on d fone, having weird msg convasations.. hahaha

done so much dis year.. ups an downs.. many many ups.. a few downs.. hahaha so tt makes it a constant upward surge.. hahaha in conclusion.. WE ROCK!!!!!

ate a great RICE TABLE dinner.. (thnx qin) hahaha still full.. still happy..

noe we've grown.. in all aspects..

here's 2 many many more great years together!

i remember evryting la.. hahaha

d utter bliss we both felt over msn when i 1st confessed our feelings..

d many mths of aniversaries..

d weird places we went..

late conversations on d fone abt evryting an nth at all..

i remember it all..




i love u Cheng Sulyn..

always an forever

there is a myth of a greek god making a criticism on man, pointing out a flaw, that it was not possible to look into the heart of a man.. to see his true thoughts and feelings, or his motivations.

i dunno y such tings happen.. call me idealistic..

but i juz belive.. some problems hav a single root..

there is an information theory tt goes abt war.. tt saes tt shld each party noe the capability an intent of either side.. no conflict wld take place.. it's juz either a lack of, or false information tt makes it problematic..

guess it can b applied..

yes existance is gray.. or muddy, or murky..

but i tend 2 belive in dogma..mayb it's my upbringing.. but i still belive in most cases. it's 4 a gd cause..

so yeah..

guess i still belive sum tings r still black an white..

cuz.. wat's easy is mostly never right..

an wat seems rite is oso not..

an sumtimes.. a possibly painful ting.. lyk braces.. cld end up being 4 d better.. if onli d small step forward can b made..

openess shld still b pursued..

i guess we can nv noe wat otrs r tinking.. but we cn noe ourselves.. an i guess.. dis time..

we noe ourselves

we're stronger than u tink..

we've gone thru a damn lot of shit in these 361 daes than most couples..

an tt makes us stronger 2..

y? cuz we're still standing..

i stand by my babe.. i stand by my love..

more firmly rooted than ever..

Joash & Sulyn 4 many more years 2 come!

happy early 1st yr babe..

=)

A Special World

A special world for you and me
A special bond one cannot see
It wraps us up in its cocoon
And holds us fiercely in its womb.

Its fingers spread like fine spun gold
Gently nestling us to the fold
Like silken thread it holds us fast
Bonds like this are meant to last.

And though at times a thread may break
A new one forms in its wake
To bind us closer and keep us strong
In a special world, where we belong.
.
.
.
.
If I could have just one wish,
I would wish to wake up everyday
to the sound of your breath on my neck,
the warmth of your lips on my cheek,
the touch of your fingers on my skin,
and the feel of your heart beating with mine...
Knowing that I could never find that feeling
with anyone other than you.

- Courtney Kuchta -
.
.
.
.
.
.
Your Name

I wrote your name in the sky,
but the wind blew it away.
I wrote your name in the sand,
but the waves washed it away.
I wrote your name in my heart,
and forever it will stay.

hehe mushy 2dae.. hehe

1 yr coming soon babe! hehe *muacks*
we rock!

baq frm d brink.. prelims over! hahaha

hanging at sulyn's is now fuss free an guilt free.. hahaha 4 d moment

right babe? hehe ;-P

oh well.. hmmm juz got a cd tt i i find is worth paying 4..

so i guess i mite as well tok abt it.. haha

in my stressed state during d prelims.. i did wat most logical ppl wld do..

i turned holy an started praying.. more than ever..

so tt included listening 2 christian music 2 calm my nerves.. hahaha

so.. planetshakers is cool.. reali lyk d reflector album.. esp LIVE UP UR EYES! yeah rocks..

then there's my king wit nice songs as well.. haha

then there's hillsongs' God he reigns.. which has tell d word.. rocks.. plus salvation is here..

but dun get me started on sum of d tuneless pseudo-metal Delirious stuff.. hahaha

okok.. nvm nvm.. most impt.. with all d distortion-driven guitar an thumping bass.. it gets d same aft awhile rite? so God gives hope! theres....



nth EVER beats d naked guitar sounds.. no frills folk an gospel blues of JOC going baq to their roots.. conviction in their vocals NOT shown thru shouting.. nice strings.. crisp drums.. all working damn well la.. an most of all.. it's hymns their singing! all done it d purest of gospel style..

oh man.. i'm blown away..

u wan gd spirit-filled music? yeah.. u cn look 2wards d distorted guitar of straight out australian rock.. whick leaves u jumping an shouting..

or..

go 2 d root of the carismatic movement!

look 2 d Southen Baptists an feel d music.. an wit it d desire 2 juz get up an dance in d tt ultimate Presence..

indeed, our God is the Lord of the dance..

AMEN!

I'll Fly Away

Some glad morning, when this life is o'er
I'll fly away,
To a home on God's celestial shore
I'll fly away.

When the shadows of this life have gone
I'll fly away.
Like a bird from these prison walls, I'll fly
I'll fly away.

I'll fly away, O glory
I'll fly away
When I die, Hallelujah bye and bye,
I'll fly away.

O, how glad and happy when we meet,
I'll fly away.
No more cold iron shackles on my feet,
I'll fly away

I'll fly away, O Glory,
I'll fly away.
When I die Hallelujah bye and bye,
I'll fly away!

Just a few more weary days and then
I'll fly away.
To a land where joys shall never end
I'll fly away.

I'll fly away, O glory
I'll fly away
When I die, Hallelujah bye and bye,
I'll fly away...

I can't sleep at night
When you are on my mind
Bobby Womack's on the radio
Saying to me
"If you think you're lonely now"
Wait a minute
This is too deep (too deep)
I gotta change the station
So I turn the dial
Trying to catch a break
And then I hear Babyface
"I only think of you"
And it's breaking my heart
I'm trying to keep it together
But I'm falling apart

let's c.. how many essays will i write by the end of this prelims?

Hist:

1. ppr1: 4 essays(45 min each)
2. ppr2: 4 essays(45 min each)

Lit:

1. ppr1: 3 essays(1hr each)
2. ppr4: 2 essays(1.5 hr each)
3. ppr 8: 2 essays(2.5hr each)

Econs:

1. ppr3: 3 eassy(45 min each)
2. ppr2: 2 essay+-(1hr 45 min total)

---------------
18 4 page plus essays!

oh well.. hahaha lyk..

many hand pains..

but okae la.. wun reali wanna dwell on tt..

so i move on.. hahah..

CARL'S JUNIOR DOUBLE WESTERN BACON!!!

damn tt shit is gd..

cun get a pic.. but 4 those who haven't tried it.. rox lyk damn man..

it makes d quarter pounder look lyk a cupcake..

it makes d big mac look lyk.. small..

it makes the Whopper look.. lyk.. damn small oso la!

mmmmmmmmm.. mmmmmmmmmm... (weird moaning noises)

2 large patties of REAL juicy beef..

2 strips of REAL PORK bacon...

CHEEEEESE!!

BBQ sauce..

an 3 onion rings!!!

freaking 8 inch diameter!!!

AHHHH damn hungry..

sure beats essays.. hahaha

hav fun ppl!

i've holed myself in my room so long tt i've grown used 2 silence..
an of the boomy sound tt my voice makes as in bounces round an round the cell of my own making..
till it finally gets tired an dies..

(no i'm not depressed, juz v v v sian)

realised my template makes my postings look utterly neat an quite beautiful..

thnx sulyn!

11 mths an still going strong yeah babe?

God bless us! hahah

*winks*

hey.. the systhesis finally lives up 2 it's name!! hahahahaha

systhesized platform has been approved.. yeah..

hope this works out 4 d best!

i reali hope.. an pray..

but yeah.. greatest church news i've heard in lyk super long la..

*whee*

ah!!!! i found something..

it's reali weird...

it's an orange..

wait..

no..

it's a butt..

no wait..

cun reali tell..

it's

IT'S A
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.
.
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.
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happy studying ppl! all d best!

=)

well.. i finally got d cam an took a few pics.. so.. here it is! d turtle!!! *wink*

whoopie! it's a es335! sum gibson copy.. but got it 4 $420, actually dad got it.. but yeah.. it's kinda cheap rite? supposed 2 cost lyk $600.. so yeah.. got hard case an stuff.. but tt's another matter.. hahaha

wat makes it so nice?? it's not d guitar shape itself.. it's......
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.
.

look! u cn c d wood grains!! ah!!!pardon my shadow.. but yeah!~ cool rite?

did i mention tt d sound an feel is exquisite? hahah reali my dream guitar.. 4 d moment at least. .ahahah now.. juz hav 2 figure out how 2 stop sucking.. hahaha

thus d temptations tt drag me away frm studying is complete..
*mixed feelings*

ARGH!!! I DUN CARE ABOUT NATIONAL INCOME!!! (nsc still sucks! stupid ass-kisser)

I DUN CARE ABOUT HOW FREAKING LENIN CAME 2 POWER WIT 'PiSS, BREAD AND LAND'!!

DID I MENTION TT I OSO DUN CARE THAT LOUIS XIV'S WIFE WAS A VERY HORNY BISEXUAL?

I DUN CARE ABOUT HOW POE IS A MASTER OF MONOMANIA!!!!

ARGH!!!! (actually i kinda lyk lit)

but

ARGH!!!!! HATE STUDYING MAN.. DOING 3 ESSAYS A WK AIN'T NOT FUN!!

sian.. but prelims coming in lyk 19 daes? an A's soon after..

suck ass man.. so guess i still gotta do it.. much 2 my pain..

so oh well. trudging on i guess.. hahah but yeah..

i'm hungry.. reali happy wit d choc i got 2dae(thnx sulyn!) american dollar bill.. had 2 rush thru it as it wuz melting tho.. but wth.. nice milk choc.. hmmmm *quivers in joy*

still blogging.. i wan d white squire bullet strat.. it's cheap an white.. haha 250 ain't much rite?

more no link thing of d wk.. i've been introduced to d great temptation tt is:



sumhow killing demons wit spells an a big axe, an a pet scopion whichshoots stings out of it's ass is 10k times more appealing than d flagrant sex in 'The Country Wife'.. but then again.. it's expected i guess.. hahahah

happy mugging exam ppl!

2 d rest! curse u!!!! ppl lyk.. ian, phoebe, joel, marc, uni students, lower sec students, jc yr 1s.. poly slackers, an all those hu dun hav 2 do much work.. argh!!!! i will dance on the dae u hav exams.. an make it rain lyk shit due 2 my bad dancing!

HAH!

argh!!! 1st time i got angry in a very long time!!!! at it's all cuz of YOU!!!!!

armpit ng sw_ _ ch_ ( wanna buy a vowel?)

nsc

all these juz in case ppl misunderstand hu i'm toking abt.. so unless ur names sounds lyk 'CWEE SHU'. disregard my ramblings, or at least juz dun take offence.. cuz if u do.. then u're juz oversensitive..

i'm hopping mad! (lyk a frog)

i'm bloated wit rage! (lyk the blueberry ger in charlie an d choc factory)

i'm so angry my hair became darker! ( lyk ian)

i'm so infuriated tt potential irritants shld shrink away lyk imps! (lyk phoebe)

i'm so pissed i'm pale! (lyk yixuan)

argh!!! in class so okae.. turn ard then stick a rash covered finger into my back y dun u.. eeeee so gross.. but ya!!! argh..

damn lost it.. now i'm juz alright.. stupid.. if sum1, juz sum1 reads this.. then 2 BAD! c if i care!

not lyk i haven't done ur work.. juz dun pass up on time.. hrmp..

watever result i get.. IT'S NO THNX 2 U!!!! i'm working! but i wun b stupid enuf 2 screw my results juz cuz i dun lyk u.. but.. hmmm expect me 2 luff more in ur class now.. AT U!!!!

MUAHAHAAHHA

feel so much beta now.. hahha =P

on a brighter note.. 10 mths juz passed on national day..

for d big national secret, go HERE!

hehe *winks* =)

this post is dedicated to my baby cheng sulyn

hey baby.. juz wanna sae.. i'm sorry.. not perfect yet..

but yeah.. i m trying.. trying 2 make tings beta.. trying 2 get used 2 eating wit ur family.. tryin 2 balance evryting in my life.. an i cn sae.. I TOTALLY ENJOY IT!

i admit.. sum tings cun change.. but yeah dear.. evrydae.. it's my goal 2 make u feel more an more loved.. more an more focused on.. more an more happy..

i love u my darling.. an i'm not afraid 2 sae it out loud..

I LOVE U!

hahaha thnx 4 evryting.. all d time we spend.. an i wanna thank u in advance 4 all d times we're gonna spend.. alwaes.. i love u..

evryting i do 4 u i enjoy.. tings tt i dun reali enjoy at 1st.. r starting 2 grow on me.. hahha

tings tt i'm not so gd at.. i try 2 get beta.. an i tink i'm improving.. hehe.. but yeah..

dis post is dedicated to you..

you who:

1. means the world to me
2. taught me what it is 2 truely love a person
3. is the most beautiful person
4. i wan to shrink an keep in my pocket so i can spend every moment with
5. i would give everyting for
6. i wan to marry
7. i actually plan to marry
8. makes d biggest problem seem alright
9. 's company i enjoy the most ( an hope it's d same ;P)
10. i constantly wanna improve myself for
    
11. is CHENG SULYN (nuff said)

so yeah dear.. i noe we'll last long.. i juz noe it.. an i'll work towards it as well..

i promise.

love you wit all my heart baby.

i only want to be the man, who'd give you everyting i can,
everyday an every night, loving you for all my life
i don't want to change the world,
as long as you're my girl,
it's more than enough

wahahahah japs rock! manga iz gud.. but engrish not sooo.. ahhahhaahah

9 mths 9 mths 9 mths

WHOO WHOO!!!!

9 mths 9 mths 9 mths 9 mths

WHOO WHOO!!

hahahah super happy la.. it's 3/4 of a yr la..whoopie!

still madly in love.. still super excited 2 c u.. hahah

thnx 4 evryting la..

CHENG SULYN!

U ROCK!

love u 2 bits and powder!!

new blog skin! hahaha totally cun claim credit 4 it la..

CHENG SULYN!!!

LOVE U SO MUCH LA!!!

*winks*

thnx so much 4 dis.. altho i guess u wun let me do d same 4 u.. hahaha scared i screw up ur 1.. hahah but thnx dear! u hav chosen d perfect blogskin lor.. lyk.. AIE!!!!

so excited.. =P

hey... juz wanted 2 post this.. SULYN! u cn have a new job! hahaha my babe here juz made a $10 buck haircut look lyk a $18 buck salon style.. hahaha

ROCK ON!

love ya to bits!

hehe

face abit druggie lyk la.. but wth.. hair nice.. hahahaha

*winks*

yeah! i is baq!! hahahaah ppl start tagging! hahahah

oh well.. summer is kicking in in singapore.. getting damn hot an shit.. it's d mid yrs! an summer season is in! hahah d JOASH fashion line dis for the monsoon/summer 2005 is......... FITTING CLOTHES! no more shirts 2 sizes 2 big, wit d sleeves hanging at my elbow, in comes fitting t shirts and mayb a few polos.. evry1 shld hav a few sets of polos in different colours.. hahah juz watch it when u wear fitting shirts, make sure u hav lycra in them.. hahah got a shirt tt makes a crack sound whenever i pull my arms forward. hahahah sucks man gotta lose tt belly tho..

haha there's alwaes a reason for u to change ur style of dressing.. simply bcuz.. it looks beta!!! tink i sound damn gay la.. but yeah.. hahaha so much i wanna buy.. but prob gonna b juz another of my pipe dreams.. hahah

oh well.. i admit.. i've made sum realli bad choices in my dressing b4.. trust me.. sum were weird.. and sum were juz utterly ugly. but as in the case of all the other aspects of my life..

i'm not afraid to admit it..

yes i've made mistakes.. sum were ur own choices.. lyk.. my hair last yr.. hahaha sulyn wld puke if i told her i wanted to grow it long again.. 'cum on baby.. it cun b tt bad rite?' i ask.. 'YES IT IS U IDIOT!!' then she wld proceed to mock me.. hahahaha.. cracks me up..

so yeah.. i changed tt part of my life.. cuz.. it wuz d beta choice! haha

but sumtimes in life.. it ain't totally ur fault.. as in yeah.. u looked ugly.. but then.. mayb ur parents, or ur frens may hav influenced u 2 do it.. mayb wear tt heart-spotted tunic 4 church.. so.. tt means.. 2 parties were at fault! haha

so.. life is all abt change.. mayb u need 2 change parts of urself 2 look an mayb feel beta.. mayb when u change it.. u wun look weird and make ur frens ard u look weird.. so yeah.. benefits wld hav an multiplier effect.. hahaha =P

mayb 4 so-called 'fashion pros'.. it may b a time 2 admit tt u had a part 2 play in making ur fren look ugly as well.. cuz i'm sure..

sumtimes we never ever see into our own faults.. no matter how smart we tink we r..

!!!! hehehe!!! 

hahahahaha wat the!!!!!! =P 

3rd Eye Blind

Deep Inside Of You

When we met light was shed
Thoughts free flow you said you've got something
Deep inside of you
A wind chime voice sounds, sway of your hips round rings true
Echoes deep inside of you
These secret garden beams
Changed my life so it seems
Fall breeze blows outside, I don't break stride
Thoughts so warm, and they go
Deep inside of you, of you

Oh yeah
And I never felt alone
Alright, alone... alone
Till I met you

Friends say I've changed, I don't listen cause I live to be
Deep inside of you
Slide of her dress, Shouts in darkness
I'm so alive
I'm deep inside of you
You said boy made girl feel good
But still
Deep inside, still

I never felt alone
Till I met you
And I'm alright on my own 
And then I met you 
And I'd know what to do if I just knew what’s coming

I would change myself if I could 
I'd walk with my people if I could find them,
and I’d say that I'm sorry to you
I'm sorry to you
And I don't wanna call you,
but then I wanna call you cause I don't wanna crush you
but I feel like crushing you and it's true
I took for granted you were with me
I breathe by your looks and you look right through me
But we were broke and didn't know
And we were broke and didn't know
And we were broke and didn't know
And we were broke and didn't know
Right... oh, what's right?

Something's gone you withdraw and I'm not strong like before
I was
Deep inside of you
I can go nowhere
I burn candles and stare at a ghost
Deep inside of you
And some great need in me
Starts to bleed
I've lost myself, there's nothing left, it's all gone 
Deep inside of you 
Deep inside of you, mmm
Deep inside of you



i lyk dis song.. old.. but not bad.. hahaha  *winks*
there.. updated.. haha =P

i'm baq~~~ hahaha

it's been awhile yeah? =P
guess dis will b my 1st writing post in a long long long time.. hahaah

but yeah.. 1st i wanna start by thanking sum ppl..

kudos to my bandmates 4 d songfest auditions: SULYN *winks*, matthew, hong peng, jerome and yuqin(most happening manager)! reali enjoy playing wit u guys.. let's show those posers wat real talent is yeah? haha.. we're all gd..

kudos to d ppl hu helped me in my 1st ever worship leading.. all my bandmates.. made my fear lyk.. clam.. abit.. but yeah.. reali meant alot.. felt d presence of God.. ben, melvin, ian, isabel, jian hao, ben tan.. yeah.. thnx loads for serving wit me.. sorrie if u guys had 2 skip lunch or sumting..

kudos to... my cell grp.. u guys r great!

kudos to.. the thai mission trip team.. u guys did great for God!!

oh well.. i'll thank more when i remember yeah? haha not tt i dun hold d otrs in higher, or lower regard.. =)

haha juz tinking abt sum stuff nowadays.. turning 18 in abt a month, sum1 is turning 18 on wed.. =P hehe.. ;P hahaha but yeah.. juz tinking abt wat age brings..

a few yrs baq, i saw myself as sum psuedo-revolutionary; 'screw singapore!' 'our lives here suck ass man!' 'damn the paper chase!' 'it's a shitty world out there!' '&$*&%*%&^#%^^#*$#(@!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!' (dunno where tt came from)

but yeah.. stuff on tv an politically-themed movies cn do tt 2 u.. i got the shirts, got the red bk.. listened to the music.. got quotes.. hahaha.. still have yet 2 catch 'the motorcycle dairies' hehe

then i realised, wat i wuz doing, which wuz prob wat most kids my age were doing, wuz juz making a whole lot of useless noise, cuz all we did wuz curse an swear in the air, and do nth much abt it.. hmmmm yeah.. tt wuz lyk.. in.. i wuz different, juz lyk evry1 else..

but i guess, as u grow older.. mayb getting wise is juz a nice wae of saying getting disillusioned.. u find tt Ecclesiastes 1:2-11 reali hits home.. an i found out tt i had 2 eat alot of d words tt i spoke.. damn..

most times, we critisize juz 4 the sake of being heard, juz so tt we can hope 2 leave a mark on the minds of the ppl tt we r near, so tt we will b remembered an hopefully, respected.. i guess we all need tt in life sumtimes.. haha..

i guess, tok is cheap, action is a totally different matter.. i'll admit 2 tt..

so.. guess we shld all juz tok less now.. cuz we cn v seldom deliver on wat we proclaim, if we go totally against it 2 start wit.. but yeah..

so yeah.. poverty in the world? 55 million ppl living wit less than US$1 a day? i know all abt tt.. i'll start preaching when i start actually doing sumting abt it..

in the meantime.. gotta get baq 2 preparing a gift.. *winks* finishing touches man! hehe

God bless u guys..


*put ur arms ard me, wat u feel is wat u r an wat u r is beautiful*

hmmmm in sappy mood now.. hahaa.. juz kinda tinking la.. an sum parts does sae wat i wanna sae.. so yeah.. hahaha.. *many winks*

*fave song of a highly favoured person*

=)

From This Moment

From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you
is where I belong
From this moment on

From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on

You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment
I will love you
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on

hmmmm in sappy mood now.. hahaa.. juz kinda tinking la.. an sum parts does sae wat i wanna sae.. so yeah.. hahaha.. *many winks*

*fave song of a highly favoured person*

=)

From This Moment

From this moment life has begun
From this moment you are the one
Right beside you
is where I belong
From this moment on

From this moment I have been blessed
I live only for your happiness
And for your love I'd give my last breath
From this moment on

I give my hand to you with all my heart
Can't wait to live my life with you, can't wait to start
You and I will never be apart
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment on

You're the reason I believe in love
And you're the answer to my prayers from up above
All we need is just the two of us
My dreams came true because of you

From this moment as long as I live
I will love you, I promise you this
There is nothing I wouldn't give
From this moment
I will love you
I will love you as long as I live
From this moment on

Which Naruto Character are You?
Test by http://www.naruto-kun.com

yeah! hahhaha..

=P 

juz got d goo goo doll's dizzy up the girl an one song is great.. ahahahshall post it here.. it's 4 sum1 as well.. hahaha *winks*

Slide

Could you whisper in my ear

The things you wanna feel

I'll give you anything

To feel it comin'



Do you wake up on your own

And wonder where you are

You live with all your faults



Chorus:

I wanna wake up where you are

I won't say anything at all

So why don't you slide



Yeah we're gonna let it slide



Don't you love the life you killed

The priest is on the phone

Your father hit the wall

Your ma disowned you



Don't suppose I'll ever know

What it means to be a man

If there's something I can't change

I'll live around it



Chorus



And I'll do anything you ever

Dreamed to be complete

Little pieces of the nothing that fall

Oh S_____, put your arms around me

What you feel is what you are

And what you are is beautiful

Oh S_____, do you wanna get married

Or run away



And I'll do anything you ever

Dreamed to be complete

Little pieces of the nothing that fall

Oh S_____, put your arms around me

What you feel is what you are

And what you are is beautiful

Oh S_____ do you wanna get married

Or run away



Chorus



And I'll do anything you ever

Dreamed to be complete

Little pieces of the nothing that fall



And I'll do anything you ever

Dreamed to be complete

Little pieces of the nothing that fall



Oh S_____, why dont you slide in to my room

just slide into my room

and we'll run away run away

sum unneeded parts i blanked off.. ahhaahah
but added sum otr stuff.. =P

~to you~ (can't wait 4 wed)